Problems

So I haven't written in a while because I have been having problems being motivated.  Jake crashed last week.  It was very simple, we went to clean the church and I had an appointment so I had to leave.  During this time, my husband really wanted to get it done, so he let Jake go do jobs away from him so it would get done faster.  Problem?  With normal kids, not really.  Maybe you would get some distraction and slow work.  With Jake it totally freaked him out!  He immediately asked for gloves to work with, was told "no", so he stole some.  Logical, right?  Because he was "allowed" the opportunity to steal and talk to others, be distracted, not stay on task, and be in charge of himself, HE LOST IT!

He is Aware of Us

Elder Maxwell wrote in a talk in the October 2002 General Conference entitled "Encircled in the Arms of His Love"
"Regarding trials, including of our faith and patience, there are no exemptions—only variations (see Mosiah 23:21). These calisthenics are designed to increase our capacity for happiness and service. Yet the faithful will not be totally immune from the events on this planet. Thus the courageous attitudes of imperiled Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego are worthy of emulation. They knew that God could rescue them. “But if not,” they vowed, they would still serve God anyway (see Dan. 3:16–18). Similarly, keeping the unfashionable but imperative first and seventh commandments can reflect the courage which three young women displayed anciently; they said no with their lives (see Abr. 1:11).

Therefore, we can be troubled on every side, but nothing can really separate us from the love of Christ (see 2 Cor. 4:8; Rom. 8:35–39)"

Boring, but Good

I haven't been writing lately because Jake has been pretty good.  He's still holding on to his control but it's not as bad.  He's decided that it's worth it to behave so he can work toward earning privileges.  This is a huge step, most kids take a year to get to this point when they feel good enough about themselves to be able to reach to have good things in their life.

Faith

This week was really rough.  I was so super sick with some kind of cold that ached my body and mind.  I felt so alone and totally victimized.  I was alone trying to feel well enough to take care of 3 kids under 6 as well as my 8 year-old RADish.  He was okay, but also raging at times.  Jake was being his normal control freak, and wasn't letting me have an inch.  Mercy isn't in his vocab yet.

The Spiral of Guilt

We had two fabulous days Sunday and Monday when Jake came home from respite care.  He was compliant, happy, cheerful, trusting, and fun to be around.  His mind was clear and he was having a great time.  Tuesday he decided to get out of his room early to "go to the bathroom" which led to waking his 6 year old sister up and playing (worst rule to break in the house).  Playing with L is the worst thing he can do because he has not been good to L and it makes her feel unsafe.