The Jazz Lost... They should just quit.

Last night the Utah Jazz basketball team got crushed by the LA Lakers.  They have a great record this year, in fact they actually beat the Lakers earlier this year, highlighted by a massive dunk by little Ronny Price over a huge Lamar Odom.  I think they should just quit.  It was a bad loss.  The team was shooting badly, their rebounds were in the toilet, and they could not defend the 75% shooting of the Lakers.  I'm going to call the Miller's (owners) and tell them that they need to just give up.  In fact in practice they should shoot the ball into the stands, practice moving screens, and maybe even sit in the middle of the floor picking off the finish.  They are not worth anything now that they have lost.  Deron Williams needs to never try to score again, he should always pass the ball to the other team and just basically give up.

The Jazz don't have a national title, so they should not try to get one.  They need to give up.  Never try again, and always make sure they don't succeed.

This is the mindset of my son for his life.  He really believes that if he messes up, then he isn't worth it.  He was sent to another class today for 10 minutes for misbehaving in his own class.  "So, I just decided to be bad for the rest of the day to punish myself."  This is sick.  This is the mind of a person with ZERO self esteem.  This is a person who will not hear that he IS worth so much more. That he deserves to be happy and to succeed, he sees that he isn't perfect and sabotages the rest of his life as a protective measure.  It insures failure because he is so scared of trying and failing.

I asked Jake what he would say to my version of a sabotaging Jazz team.  He said that they should not give up.  That they are worth it, they have won games and are a good team.  I asked him why they should try when they are not perfect.  He answered because if they don't try then they will never win, but that they should give themselves a chance.  I kept telling him that they just don't think they can do it.  They just want to give up and start to MAKE themselves loose in purpose because they are afraid of losing again.  I kept telling him how nothing Jake could say would change their minds.  Jake began to be so frustrated and started to get angry.  He didn't like that whatever he was going to say to the Jazz was going to make no difference.  I then asked him why he is being like my Jazz team.  Why are you not trying to be good?  Aren't you worth it?  Haven't you been good in the past?  You CAN do it, right?  The answer to all these questions is YES, but he didn't want to answer the questions about himself.  He really doesn't believe that he can do it or is worth anything.

I hope that you all can understand that Jake's condition gives him this disbelief in himself.  He has a core belief that he is the worst kid on the planet.  He believes that he is the only person whom the scriptures and the Atonement don't apply.  He gets so stuck on his weaknesses that he can't see the good in himself.  It's been so frustrating to try to convince a child that he deserves happiness, when that child WON'T believe me.

Life experience after life experience doesn't help either because the second Jake gets a good thing, he destroys it because he doesn't think he deserves it anyways.  I liken it to Jake standing at the gates of Disneyland waiting for it to open.  He is so excited to go on the rides and see the characters, and play all day.  But in his mind he can't get over the fear of leaving Disneyland.  So he decides that he will make the time to leave come early.  He leaves immediately without even going inside to go sit in the car for the rest of the day.  I can't make him come in to Disneyland, he refuses and tries to prove that he doesn't even deserve to be there anyways by destroying a Disneyland sign and tripping Goofy as he walks by.

I am in a constant battle against Jake's fear and bad self concept. I have been his whole life.  I didn't know that is what it was, because it's innate in children to be happy, fearless, and faithful.  For Jake it is opposite.

For now, I'm going to cheer on the Jazz as they continue to try harder, get better, and win a few more games this year.  I'm going to "Disneyland" and continue to invite Jake to come and enjoy it with me.  I am going to keep trying, keep believing he can do it, and keep the faith that one day he will believe in himself like I believe in him.

One day Jake will try and win.

And I will be there.