School or No school?

So Jake has been pretty good the past few days.  He has been pretty nice to be around.  We don't have our nightly arguments about staying in his room. We have had to put alarms on his door so that he doesn't have a chance to sneak out and play or get stuff and hide it away in his room.  He has been compliant with the "new regime" of not tolerance.  I almost feel like I'm being lulled into a sense of security.  I can still see his little tweaking of the rules and trying to be in control, but it's not half as bad as it used to be.  

I don't know how things are going at school.  He still doesn't have a lot of time with me when he is at school, (and it's been great for me) but I think he might need more time with me to heal our relationship so we can bond.  There is a private school for RAD kids that he can go to to more appreciate his regular elementary that he loves.  This school has a strict curriculum of obedience and no tolerance.  It sounds harsh, but it's really helping him to know that his days of manipulation have come to an end.  Jake will be able to experience that he can have a happy and safe life even with adults in control.  I just have to really find the right answer for him and for me.  I need time to recharge to be ready for this new way of dealing with him.  I have to be on my toes and willing to let consequences do the teaching. But, he needs to feel connected with me and not be allowed to manipulate.  It's so hard because all I want to do is scream, "Can't you just stop it?!!"  and "Snap out of it! We love you and you can stop acting this way!"  But I know that he is fundamentally backward in his thinking about the world and the people in it.  We have to help him connect with me so that he can feel safe and loved.  Right now he is just complying to try to get what he wants. 

 The hard work begins...

Church was as we expected!

So Todd and I took two cars to church knowing that somehow Jake was not going to get what he wanted and was going to push it.  We were right, he teased his sister.  Let me be clear, all kids tease, but with our therapy Jake isn't allowed to misbehave in anyway without having a consequence, (so there can be no manipulation).  So he had to sit on the end of the row by me.  I got him a coloring book and crayons, but he wanted a notebook and pencil, (a control thing).  So he lost it.  Mind you, this was all before the sacrament was passed. 

I had to carry my 7 year-old out of the chapel and into a room to do "strong sitting" (a discipline technique to help learn self control and total submission).  He would not do it for any amount of time, so he went home with Todd.  

I have realized that we have a very long road ahead of us.  He has to be able to trust us enough to give up control and feel safe at the same time.  When our babies are born they learn to trust and connect with us.  That is why a child is looked at in the scriptures as "submissive, meek, humble, and willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit... as a child doth submit to his father." Mosiah 3:19.  

As I go through this reconnecting with Jake I realize that it is the same process that we are going through in trying to reconnect with our Father in Heaven.  We have to go through a specific process to trust our Heavenly Father and be able to submit our will to His.  How hard is the process to get to that point?  All I know is that I need to find answers to this journey with Jake by studying the Lord's way of helping us reconnect and trust Him.  

If any of you have any insights I would love to hear it!

So the Police were called...

I have to laugh at this a little bit.  Laughter is all that I can do to make it through.  I wish I was just a bit funnier though.  Anyways this morning went exactly like I thought it would.  We has a therapy session last night where Jake disobeyed and then refused to do a few exercises for Mr. Max (our therapist) and we were there for 2 1/2 hours, (yep, still have to pay for that time while Jake runs down the street).  We talked about how he's a runner and what to do about it.  This morning I got to put our plan in action.  The policeman was supposed to put the fear of God in Jake, but instead he showed him his police SUV and the wicked police dog in the back and got a sticker!  Well, Jake figured out that if he runs away, he gets to ride in a police vehicle, pet a sweet awesome dog, run the sirens, and get a sticker.  I bet we will be seeing the police more often at our house!!  Neighbors beware, we will be having lots of action on our street!  (I really should have clarified "fear of God" to the officer) HAHA

Our Discovery...

This is my sweet boy Jake when he was little.  He is now closer to 8 years old, but this is how I like to remember him.  He was curious and full of fun and laughter.  

We have been having trouble with Jake for a very long time now.  I chalked it up to his fiery personality that matches his red hair, and my lack of patience and inability to be a "good mom".   After a few years of troubled schooling and trouble at home, we looked to help in a family therapist.  We were turned on to Parenting With Love and Logic as a way to "handle" parenting in a better way.  The therapist also asked us to look into Attachment Disorder for Jake.