Big Comfy Old Sweater

Do any of you have a sweater that always makes you feel good when you put it on?  The kind that you would never wear out in public except on one of "those days."  I have a black wrap sweater that is my favorite.  It is so stretched out and is full of lint and stuff, but when I need it this sweater always does the job.  Others might look at this sweater and not think that it is as fashionable or even worth a penny to have, but I choose this sweater of all my sweaters when I am in need.  I can stretch it tight if I need to feel comfort, I can relax in it and it warms my arms and body nicely.
This is what I reached for tonight when my little boy decided to crash into a bad place tonight.
 My Jake has been really good for the past 4 days.  I mean really good.  He made stellar decisions, like didn't steal an orange or hide it in his room.  He almost got mad a things and just "switched" on the good decision-making part of his brain and stomped out the bad feelings and thoughts.  I was so happy to see it, and scared for the time when it would end.  At therapy the other day Jake was genuinely giggling at Mr. Max, our therapist.  This was such a joy to me.  I almost didn't know what to do with it.  It was one of those rare moments that I hold on to when things are not so good to help me get through it all.  Jake seemed truly happy and feeling the benefits of choosing the right.  Although it was still a struggle to do it.  Our hope is that in time he won't need to struggle, but will naturally make good decisions and be happy for it.
Today Jake crashed at horse therapy because the horses don't buy his good behavior when his heart is not in it.  The horses expose his true state if mind.  They will not obey a boy who is mad in his heart, it will act out Jake's mind, i.e. his horse bit, kicked and chased the other horses and their riders because Jake was really mad that they were all behaving well.  Jake lost it and had to work it all out.  He had to come to a mindset and heart condition of calm submission.  He had to give up his control and lack of trust to be able to direct the horse to follow the directions of the therapist.  It is amazing.
So when we got home, Jake had made up his mind that this was the day to let all the bad back in and it sure did come!  My poor son was writhing in his madness and lashing out on us as we tried to help.  It was so hard to witness.  My heart broke for him and his struggle.  What a way to live, without comfort, peace, trust or love.  He was so sad and terrified and unable to get himself out of this state.  Because once he decided to go there, it is so hard to turn around without some help.  This is where the "true comfortable sweater" comes in to play.  As Jake was in his misery, there was only one thing that could comfort him. We needed to help him call on God the Eternal Father to send his Holy Spirit to comfort our child.  To send away the hurt, anger, and loneliness and bring the Comforter.  The Holy Ghost is not flashy, and not available to the proud.  This is the humble influence that the world cannot comprehend or see it's value.  But there is not denying its power to heal and comfort our injured souls.  He is sent to us by a loving Father in Heaven when we want and need it most.  As soon as He was called upon, our son was still.  He became comforted in a way that was unquestionable and very tangible.  I am so grateful for this holy influence in my life.  It is the sweater that I wish to wear at all times and when I am in need it is the sweater that I will wrap tighter and it will warm and comfort my soul.
Jake is in a state of learning how to wear the sweater and try to keep it on.  He doesn't fully understand how to do that, but that is what we are working on.  I hold tight to the belief that one day he will want the Spirit with him all the time.  I have that same hope for myself and for all of you.  Please know that as I write this I am testifying that there is a Heavenly Father that has a plan of happiness for all of His children, and he will not leave us without comfort.  He sent his son, Jesus Christ, to suffer and die for us so that we can have comfort through trials and that we can repent and do better in our lives.  This is the hope and faith of a mother for herself and her son.