The Pot

Wow, it's been a while, but I am still here.  I have realized this week that I have to be able to live in a world where someone is trying to sabotage all of the good in the house.  Our Jake is a constant reminder of the struggles that are here in this life.  He tries hard to be look good on the outside but on the inside he is actively choosing to bend the rules, test his boundaries, and get away with anything he can.  Aren't we all in this state once in a while?  This week it has been harder because the landscape of Jake's condition has changed from a reactionary and addictive disobedience and control, to it now being his choice to act this way.
Through our therapy we have been able to have some great experiences teaching Jake how to feel good, to obey with exactness, and to feel real feelings of love and trust.  But because Jake has been untrusting for so long, he is susceptible to going back to the old way.  He now chooses to test at all times and choses to react badly so he can remain miserable.  It's very hard to see him go through it all.  It's also hard not to let him suck me into his misery.
He is so subtle in his disobedience in the beginning of the day, (before he really lays it on).  Like the other day, he was asked to clean his room of all the little ripped papers before coming out.  Todd gave him a bowl for the papers, and asked him to knock on the door when he was done.  I went down in his room to check on him and he had peed in the bowl!  Awesome, so now I just give him a bowl everyday so that he can pee in it whenever he wants to and be responsible for it.  I now don't have to wonder if he really needs to go when he tries to manipulate me.  Yep, even saying he needs to go to the bathroom has been a huge manipulation for Jake.  He asks to do it whenever he is doing something he doesn't want to do, whenever he is in need of control, and pretty much any other time in the day.  So, FUN! I now laugh at it because he also used some phone book papers to wipe himself when he decided to to a #2 in the bowl the other day.  He thinks he is pulling on over on me when he goes in the bowl, but he will soon realize that it's actually a relief for me to not worry about it! HA!  I got the idea from some other very smart mom's with RAD kids and it makes me feel stronger, smarter, and more powerful to stick it to Jake and his "control".  We just call it his Port-A-Potty.
So we are just surviving and trying to deal with this new stage in his progression.  Hopefully he will realize he will be much more happy when he decides to obey.  Now for the parallel to Eternal things: we all will be more happy when we decide to obey, with exactness, the gospel of Jesus Christ.  He has provided a way for us to do all things.  And when we don't, He has provided a way for us to be forgiven and become more like our Heavenly Father through the Atonement.  We can do it!  Just like Jake can do this, we too can obey and be happy!!