Scary Love

With Jake it is always an adventure in Crazytown.  I have come to be able to detect what state of mind he is in.  Last week was a little harder, 'till it wasn't.  It was so weird, I would go down to get Jake up for the day and he would be standing right inside the door and scared me like those twins in the hallway in the movie "The Shining." He felt so creepy I jumped every time I saw him.  But he would still be okay with his behavior but just a little of enough for it to not feel right.
I have struggled to share the worst of it all, and I won't.  Jake is just at a scary place in his therapy where he has the capacity to shift into a loving and trusting state, or not.  It's almost too much for Jake to feel really good for too long.  He deep down doesn't feel like he deserves to feel love and happiness, so when he feels it he tries to sabotage it so it will go back to yucky feelings which is more comfortable for him.  It's so odd and opposite of what a balanced child would seek after and want.  Our goal is to show him over and over again what it feels like to feel good and to feel true joy.  The most intense and purest "good" feelings come from obedience and opening your heart to God's love.   The Holy Ghost feels far better than any other feeling when you are touched with it's pure power.  The Holy Ghost has the power to pierce your heart and testify of truth.  Jake's condition is brought on by lies he has help close to his heart.
There are forces trying to stop Jake (and all of us) from feeling the true love of God.  Because the pure knowledge of who we really are as children of God has power to change who we are here on Earth and what we do here.  There is nothing more powerful than a righteous person doing God's work.  Jake is learning at such a young age how to discern the ways in which he isn't living up to his divine heritage. As a young boy he is experiencing things that some people will never encounter.  He is learning self control and self regulation at 8 years old.  It's a long, hard road but he is moving forward.  He is learning how to trust and follow God's commandments and establishing a close relationship with Deity.  How many of us were concentrating on that at the age of 8?  I wasn't!  I didn't even really go there until college, and even then it was a surface attempt.  knowing what I know now I realize how much I wasn't engaged in that type of thing.  Jake has to rely on the Lord to help him overcome his weakness.  At 8 he is having practical experience with the Atonement and it's enabling power to overcome all weakness and shortcomings.  He is having tangible experiences with true power of the Priesthood of Jesus Christ.  This is the true power of God on the Earth today.  It is used to do God's will here on Earth, and as long as Jake had faith sufficient to enact the blessings of the Lord, these things are helping him make it through and hopefully heal from all this junk.
For now Jake is learning how to feel that pure love and not be afraid or scared of it.  It feels so good that he can't handle it for long.  Today he was able to hold me and cuddle with me and I could literally feel his heart open and truth enter his mind.  He could look in my eyes and I could look in his and feel the love he was able to accept.  I have only been able to do this a handful of times in his whole 8 years, these are precious times for me.  Those eyes help me continue and move forward during the times when I don't see anything good in his eyes at all.  I know I can do it for the kid I have seen in those special times. The real healer is the Spirit of Christ.  Through Christ all things are possible, we just have to do our part, keep our covenants, and have the courage and faith to do what He asks us to do.