Losing My Mind!

I swear, when I was younger and single I used to scoff at those who seem to lack common sense, flake on people, and generally don't seem to know what is going on.  Now that is me!  I get it, it's all lessons I need to learn, because now all I do is make commitments and break them.  Not on purpose, just by lack of brain power.  That is probably why Jake is so successful at outsmarting me most of the time.
I try hard to keep my wits about me and keep things straight, keep a calender, use my smart phone, all the gadgets I can find, and yet today I showed up to Jake's therapist 2 hours early and just about gave another mother a heart attack!!  I had lined up a babysitter and worked it all out.  I even worked out and had a shower today in preparation for the day only to find that I'm still out of it!

As far as Jake goes, he has really turned on the smarts.  This boy can get his boundary testing skills going so well that I won't even see it comin'.  He can get a control "hit" just by asking for things like a drink, bathroom break, or just telling stories.  I can tell it's hurting him by his energy after getting away with it.  Normally when I am smarter than him, I am the master of all things.  I decide when and how things will be done.  I don't give him an inch, and he feels better that way.  He is calm and happy on the inside when I am in control.  On the outside he still fights for control out of habit or fear.

Today I am just tired!  This 4 kids, one a RAD kid is starting to catch up with me.  I guess all I can do is breathe and try to survive.  I know I do much better when I am studying my scriptures and having daily communication with my Heavenly Father.  He gives me more capacity to deal with this when I am obedient to his commandments, and when he can trust me because we have a relationship. I am blessed to know that God is my Heavenly Father with exalted flesh and bones, it helps me to have a more personal relationship with Him and a better understanding of how to become more like Him.  What a blessing!  Because if I couldn't become better than I am now, I would hate it!  Sharp intellect is waiting for me somewhere, somehow!