Boring, but Good

I haven't been writing lately because Jake has been pretty good.  He's still holding on to his control but it's not as bad.  He's decided that it's worth it to behave so he can work toward earning privileges.  This is a huge step, most kids take a year to get to this point when they feel good enough about themselves to be able to reach to have good things in their life.
Most RAD kids struggle with this dichotomy of feeling entitled but not feeling deserving of good things.  They have a bad self concept, but are controlling and demanding for everything.  It's what makes it so hard to deal with all the ups and downs because the downs are so bad. They spiral into self pity and major guilt over their bad behavior. Their bad behavior is so hard for them to control because when they are in fear their impulses take over.  It takes a kid who is not afraid to recognize that he might want better things in his life, and that he has to earn them.
Although this is a big step for Jake, he still hasn't changed his heart.  He knows in his mind that obeying and relaxing makes him feel REALLY GOOD, but he can't let his control go.  He still feels the need to sneak and control.  His newest thing is the talking.
I guess Jake has always been a chatter box, but now because most of his other outrageous behavior has subsided, his constant need to talk is really standing out.  He's now using questions and comments to control me.  I realized it yesterday when I told him to get himself a fork for dinner and he responded with the biggest, most innocent eyes, "Mom, can I have this one?" (Imagine huge, loving, FAKE, doe eyes)  I had to "take his words" for the remainder of the night because it was keeping him sick.  If Jake sees that I can be manipulated by his antics then he remains afraid and untrusting.  If I can be strong and completely in control it allows Jake the environment of healing.  Because he is afraid of everything, he needs to develop trust in a strong mom and dad.  He is constantly testing in new ways to see if we are weak in anyway before he can relax and trust that he is safe.
So, for now I have to be constantly aware of the ever changing tactics of a child testing his world to see if it can be safe enough to just be a kid.  It's so sad for him, but that is why we are doing this therapy.  We could just let Jake do what he wants, we could just let the little things go, but at what cost?  He would continue to feel unsafe and worried at all times, and act on impulse instead of consciously deciding.
The good news is that he is incredibly boring.  No potty problems, no holes in the walls, (could be the plywood working it's magic) and no raging.  Stay tuned for next time, I'm sure it's way to hard for Jake to keep this up for very long.