Earlier that day his sister was getting ready to go to a party. Jake started to feel jealous and entitled about going too, (inside himself, without sharing it with us). He wasn't invited, but felt as if he should have something fun to do as well and decided to show it by becoming defiant, and slow to obey. He took his baby brother upstairs to get clothes and just let the baby crawl around and eventually fall down the stairs. This got a great big reaction from dad, and served the purpose of punishing us for not reading his mind.
Later at dinner he was still mad, and noncompliant. He got in trouble and would not do jumping jacks to redirect his brain patterns. I sent him to his room where he proceeded to kick the walls and finally bang his bottom on the window and break it!
This was so hard to see him spiral out of control again. This is a cycle, I know it is, but it's still hard to witness every time it happens.
As he was in his room, he screamed in a way I didn't recognize. In a panic stricken and fear filled way. He screamed, "I did something really bad and I need respite!!" When I came down I saw the broken window and thought, "How in the heck? There is nothing in his room hard enough!" But I guess a little skinny kid's butt IS hard enough. Jake looked completely panicked and out of control in a very scared way, not an enraged and angry way. It really was different.
As I took Jake to therapy today, the therapist was working with Jake to help him realize what his true feeling were about this situation, and it came down to guilt, shame, sadness and a whole lot of feelings Jake is not used to! HAZZAH!! You see, RAD kids, or kids who have suffered early trauma are so selfish and self-centered that they will not feel guilty but they blame and put the responsibility on others. Look at anyone who tends to blame others or not feel bad about things they do, and I can guarantee they have had some kind of early childhood trauma that makes them react that way.
Jake felt really bad for one of the first times in his life! It's a huge break through! (#2) He is learning Godly sorrow, empathy, responsibility, and so much more. It's actually sinking in!
I talked to him briefly about how he could have handled it differently and it all stemmed back to his feeling about being left out or entitled to have fun at a party. If he had expressed those feelings in words and asked if it was okay for him to play and have fun in another way, he would have been infinitely more happy and could have avoided the catastrophe that later occurred. He also didn't trust that his parents would let him do fun things if he asked. I would have let him at that point because his behavior prior to this was very good, he was bright and shinny!
Lessons learned for Jake: #1 Butts break glass. #2 Feeling bad for what you did wrong is good so you can change it and make it better. #3 Expressing feelings through words is far better than expressing feelings in actions of destruction.
Lessons learned for Me: #1 Sometimes the best lessons come out of horrible situations (this one keeps coming up). #2 Jake is making HUGE progress, i.e. my sacrifices are paying off. #3 It takes a mature person to admit fault and try to fix it.
So hurray for broken windows, tantrums, bowel movements, sacrifices, missed parties, control battles, botched chores, fights, disrespect, urine, stupid questions, slow and pokey behavior, and all else that comes with healing our son, because it's working!!!!
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