"You're A Good Mom, Mommy!"

There was a time when I didn't think I would ever hear these words in my life.  I had always thought that I was the worst mom.  I was too angry, too impatient, and too tired to be a good mother.  I didn't think that I would ever have it in me to feel as if I was a good mom, until I got help for me and Jake.
When my little girl said this to me for the first time, I really believed it!  It felt so good to say, "You know, I really am!"  This is not to boast of myself, but just to say that I have made improvements, I make more everyday, and I will continue to become better.  Some days I don't feel like I am a good mom, but it's an improvement from when I felt bad about myself everyday.  Now I am able to look back on a day and say, "I can do hard things, and win!"
I have had to endure the cruelest of comments, the worst of myself, and the abuse from my child and come out on top!  I have survived and will continue to survive the constant war raging against me.  I have the power to make my life happy amid the hardest of times.
I'm not perfect in my happiness, but I will continually look for ways to lean on the Lord and give Him my burdens and rely on Him for comfort and strength.  I simply can't do it alone.  I have to get guidance from the scriptures, and my own personal revelation in prayer.  This is my strength, my only strength.  There are many other mothers of traumatized children that are braver, stronger, and more amazing then I will ever be, and these are the mothers who have my respect and admiration.  They make tough decisions everyday.  They put up with children who are far more troubled then my J, and they endure years of madness and trial.  They deserve all the respect we can give them and all the understanding we have.  I am humbled to be in the presence of amazing women and families who choose to sacrifice to save their children.  The amount of heartache in these mothers lives is only matched by the strength they have to parent these children.
Through the help of many people and therapists I have been able to feel better about myself and the role I have in my children's lives.  I wear the name of mother with humility and a resolve to be better everyday.  I know that the most important thing I can do in this life is to save my kids.  I am to teach them how to have a relationship with Christ and to do all that He asks of us.  I have the responsibility to do my very best for my family.  When God asks me how I lived my life, I will be able to be completely honest and say I did my best.  I am so grateful to know and feel that I can do this!  I can help my kids, I can do hard things!  Except for when I can't, and sometimes I don't, but I just pick myself back up and try again.  That's all I can do.  I will do it, my kids' lives depend on it.