HOPE. It is so good!

These past few weeks have been heaven.  In my last post I mentioned that I had to put Jake in respite after he broke his window with his butt.  I remember telling my husband as we dropped him off that I felt that Jake could be done with all of this soon.  The feeling was strong but didn't make any sense.  All I had been told about this disorder is that it was a long, hard road to recovery.  It's been hard and has felt long, but relatively speaking we have only been in therapy for a short 9 months.
I also was puzzled at my feelings because Jake had just broken his window, he was in respite, and we were only one step closer, not done.  As Jake came back from respite and we went to therapy with Max Park our therapist, Jake still felt a little sad and unsure.  Max had him stand at the opposite end of the room and told him that I represented being done with therapy and the whole RAD thing.  I represented having a healed heart.  He could take a step forward for every lesson he could tell us he had learned.  With every step his little face brightened.  He came a short three steps from me!  Jake confessed that he thought he wasn't even close to that far in his recovery.  My poor little buddy thought that he was a bad kid, couldn't do the right things and wasn't making good progress.
This exercise let Jake see how far he has come and it seemed to switch something inside him.  He felt really good about himself for the first time in his little life.  He said, "Heavenly Father told me I was a good boy!"  Max returned with, "So when are you going to believe Him?"  It was a priceless moment in time.  I was so pleased and relieved to see the real Jake standing there, smiling from ear to ear!  It was seriously the single most beautiful sight I had seen with Jake.
From that day on he has been the kid I had always hoped for.  I was still weary about his triggers and his anger, but he never went there.  He lost it for a moment that week, but recovered so quickly in his room. As we met with Max that next week, I realized that Jake's little imperfections resembled that of my other kids.  He was acting like a normal kid!! His mess ups and slow downs didn't have the malice behind it.  He wasn't acting out of fear or anger.  Jake was being a kid.  He was being loving, kind, empathetic, giving service, obedient, and taking responsibility.  It was amazing day after day.
The next week with Max, Jake was given the highest behavior rating and earned $5 from Mr. Max.  He was beaming!!  But he didn't protect that money with his life, in fact with out being prompted Jake gave me the $5 and asked if it could go toward paying back his windows!  (We have him on a job schedule that for every $10 he earns towards his window debt he gets some outside play time)  For a kid who started out stealing, hoarding, completely selfish and unaware of others' feelings, this was incredible!  A testament of who he has become.  It wasn't fake in any way, he really felt comfortable and happy paying back his debt rather than keeping it for himself.
I have more!! My husband felt a while ago, maybe two months ago, that we should try taking Jake back to public school for an hour a day or so to see how he would do.  This is a hurdle that most RAD kids find very hard to overcome.  School is the most overstimulating, and uncontrolled place for these kids to be.  It was where Jake found it hardest to follow rules and deal with his fear.  Unfortunately I was too afraid to lose the good Jake to allow it until last week and there is only a few days of school left.   After a few days of my husband taking him to school for an hour in the mornings we decided to throw him into the preverbal fire and leave him at school by himself for the last full school day.  I was totally prepared to see Jake crash hard when he got home.  It is nothing short of a miracle as my son walked to my car after school.  His eyes were bright and shinny, (i.e. secure and happy) he was content and so so nice.  I was so overjoyed that I was almost crying all night Thursday.
I can't describe the relief that had come over me.  It's not like before when Jake was on an upswing.  This time feels so permanent.  He has all the tools to get through hard things, his fear is gone replaced with trust.  He is self regulating.  He searches out the Spirit of God through prayer and scripture study.  He is an amazing child!!  He has truly changed his very character.
The best part is that he is ready to be baptized!  I am so excited that he is capable of making this covenant with God and can obey it.  He can and does want to be good and do good.  He knows how to repent fully and use the atonement of Jesus Christ.  He is the most prepared of any 8 year old I know!
This is why being a parent is the best thing in this world.  I feel the joy of working and teaching Jake.  It's been the hardest 8 years of my life, but this past year has been the most rewarding.  I have grown as much as Jake has.  I kind of don't know what to do with myself now that my life is changed!  Thanks be to God and his son Jesus Christ.  They are the power that gave me the drive and Jake the ability to change.  Hallelujah!  Glory to God in the Highest!  I feel the joy that comes with overcoming trials and growing closer to Heavenly Father.  It's amazing.  Nothing less.