Broken Window

This has been a whopper of a week and I am just about done with this whole thing.   For those who don't have experience with a RAD child, it is the most heartbreaking, disturbing, relentless, awful, and soul destroying thing ever.  Imagine giving a child everything, sacrificing everything in your life to give to them and having them ooze hatred and spite for you. It's hard for people with healthy kids to imagine it, but that is my life with Jake.
I went into victim mode there a little, but the reality is that this is so hard day in and day out, that I have to have a time to feel sorry for myself.  But I soon have to pull myself out of my pity party and get to work.
Jake went to horse therapy yesterday and shifted into his good brain, it was good.  Too good I guess.  He was feeling good and being good, but I knew better than to get comfortable with it, because he can't handle too much good, it's way to scary.  So today at about 1 pm, Jake decided he'd had enough good and lost it.  We were dumb enough to leave a few books in his room, so he threw them though the window because he was mad at us for something little.  It's so amazing that this kid is so out of it that he'd think that was a great idea.  He's not in his right mind, and he likes it that way.  Anyone who wants to question his diagnosis needs to keep this story and those like it in their minds and remember that healthy children do not do this continually day after day.
In all this junk and heartache, I have to find a way to keep doing it.  It's way too hard to do it without the assurance that it will get better.  I have to hold on to that knowledge that he will heal and just keep going.  I am desperate to see the progress in all this.  Jake is so stuck in the crap that sometimes it's hard to see how things will ever change.
In church today a point of doctrine stuck out to me.  The principle of sacrifice.  Adam when driven from the Garden of Eden built an altar and offered sacrifice to God.  He did not know why when the angel asked, he just knew that he had been commanded to do it.  After Adam's act of faith, he was then told that the sacrifice was is similitude of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ.  I thought that it applied to our situation in that this child has been given to me and I have been commanded to sacrifice for him and I don't know why or I don't know the outcome or blessings that may come.  I am at the point that I just know that I will obey the commandment to sacrifice and help Jake and someday the knowledge of why and what blessings will come, will be made known to me.
Another principle that stuck out to me is that God and Jesus Christ are "the same yesterday, and today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8).  If I look at my mortal parenthood as preparation for eternal things, then I can say that Heavenly Father is consistent in his parenting then so shall I be.  I have to remain consistent in my parenting and it will pay off someday.
Right now I'm still learning to have the faith sufficient to get me through it all.