Tuesdays

Tuesdays are pretty hard for me.  It is the weekday that Jake is at home with me.  They usually start uneventful, then by the end of the day we have had some huge catastrophe.  I will use last week as an example.  At mid day last week, my girls were at school and the baby was taking a nap so I took Jake to his room for "quiet time" so I could rest.  Jake immediately demanded entertainment.  This gives me the hint where his mind is.  So, naturally I could not oblige his requests as it is a control thing for him.
He then proceeded to yell, "I'm not a baby! I look eight, I mean I am eight years old!  I don't need a nap!" (This is because he has been acting like a two year old and so he is only allowed to do things a two year old does 'till he can handle doing more and acting older)  He has been "2" for a few weeks now because everything has become a fight to the death for Jake.  So we just give him the lifestyle he can handle until he gets so bored that he decides it might just be better to suck it up and obey.  Funny thing is that when he obeys he gets things done, and feels better about himself, and it helps him feel the Spirit easier.  All plusses in my book, but apparently too scary for Jake at times.
So I went in his room a little later to get him out and he had red stuff around his mouth.
Me: "Is that blood?"
Jake: "yes"
Me: "what happened?"
Jake: "I bit my lip"
Me: "On purpose, or was it an accident?"
Jake:" On purpose"
Me: "Why?"
Jake: "Because I was bored"
I had to walk away, fast.  He can't see that his actions affect me or he gets his "hit" of attention and stays addicted to this horrible behavior.  I didn't let him out because he wasn't in a safe frame of mind.  He was really sick and needed to remain under stimulated so he could shift into his right mind.
I went in his room a little later to see his "port-a-potty" full of urine and blood.  He had been milking the blood from his lip so that there was an alarming red liquid in the bucket.  I was horrified!! Again, I had to go.  I had to leave and give no reaction or he would do this over and over again.   I freaked out and called a few friends who would understand, (and one that didn't, habit) and cried.  This was one of those things that I had absolutely NO control over.  When he goes to self-mutilation I can't stop that.  He would bite his lip every moment if he knew I was so scared.  He does this outrageous behavior to get a rise out of me, this is his goal.  His tactics have become more drastic because the usual stuff just doesn't "work" anymore.  One friend suggested that I give him a wash cloth to bite on because it's not OK for me to just allow this behavior.  I got out a red wash cloth and took it to Jake.  I said, "Hey buddy, I thought since you like red things and biting, you can have this when you are done biting your lip!"  And I walked away.  The look on his face was complete confusion.  In the past I would have freaked out on him, I would have cried, yelled, spanked, and lost it completely. That is probably the reaction he has been craving for months now.  I felt so satisfied that I had completely stumped the poor little guy!
My dear friend I had called earlier came over later that night with bubble bath in hand and a sympathetic ear.  She is one of those angels that I write about so often.  God has sent me her and many others to help comfort and strengthen me through this disaster.  Jake hasn't bit his lip since, it also might be the salty chips and chili he had to eat that night for dinner ;).  I asked how his dinner was and his face told me what he would not, "Mom, that hurt so bad!"  (His words were, "It was fine.")
Today will be another wondrous adventure and hopefully I come out on top again.
On to the rest of the week, I really feel that the Lord is leading me to help others around me.  I am being sent people who really need what I have learned.  A few years ago I told my husband that I have always wanted to be the kind of person who people wanted to learn from and looked up to.  I just had no idea I would have to go through such hell to be educated enough to do so.  I have been humbled to be of service to others and help those in need.  I know it's because the Lord needs us on Earth to accomplish his goals.  He knows that we all have different talents and can use those to benefit others.  I am grateful that God has confidence in me and gives me daily power to do what he asks of me.  I am nothing but what He gives me.  I am insignificant, but He has sent me for a specific purpose and I will do all I can to fulfill His plan for me.  Through the enabling power of Christ's Atonement I am able to be more than I am alone.  I also am able to look into a bloody child's face and stay calm through the literal grace of God and my willingness to obey His commands.  This is how I know that God and Jesus Christ live.  For I am nothing without their power and strength.