Oh, Discretion

I have learned a valuable lesson this week.  Discretion is a valuable thing.  There are people who have none, and badly need it.  There are those who think they have it, and don't.  We are those who didn't think we needed it, but do!  We are five months into this journey and I thought that the opposition and questioning from our family was over, OH was I wrong.  The saddest part is that they don't even know that their constant questioning and doubt is incredibly distracting and doesn't help in any way.

I realize that RAD is very hard to understand, and that from the outside it is impossible to make sense of it all.  But really?  Does everyone have to chime in as if they are the expert without even trying to research and learn about RAD?  The most hurtful thing is that through all the doubt comes an underlying mistrust of us as parents.  I also know that I was a crazy mother before this diagnosis.  I wasn't June Cleaver or anything close. I yelled, screamed, spanked, and was all around frustrated.  But that is also one of the defining symptoms of RAD, "frustrated and angry parents." (Attachment.org  Nancy Thomas)
RAD kids don't know trust therefore they can't love, they just know attention of any kind.  The biggest attention getters are bad behavior at a consistent rate.  Any parent knows that a kid who persistently disobeys or teases is going to get a lot of attention.  That is why I was so frustrated all the time.  How many people have had their kid dump an entire box of cereal on the carpet? How about 3 times per week? And for a month straight?  What if  it was your 7year old?
I guess it's because our family has grown up with us and knows us at our best and worst, but it seems like our ward acquaintances, friends, work associates and those who live near us are more willing to trust our judgment in this situation than some of our close family members are.  It seems backward, doesn't it?
Now it's not all family members.  Some have been VERY supportive, willing to help when they can, and wiling to trust us.  They are the family that are being the most helpful.
I have been thinking of Joseph Smith when he was being persecuted for telling people about the vision he saw of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ,
(http://www.josephsmith.net/josephsmith/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=497679179acbff00VgnVCM1000001f5e340aRCRD&locale=0)

In Joseph Smith-History 1:24-25 Joseph says of his experience,

"24 However, it was nevertheless a fact that I had beheld a ^avision. I have thought since, that I felt much like Paul, when he made his defense before King Agrippa, and related the account of the vision he had when he saw a light, and heard a voice; but still there were but few who believed him; some said he was dishonest, others said he was ^bmad; and he was ridiculed and reviled. But all this did not destroy the reality of his vision. He had seen a vision, he knew he had, and all the ^cpersecution under heaven could not make it otherwise; and though they should persecute him unto death, yet he knew, and would know to his latest breath, that he had both seen a light and heard a voice speaking unto him, and all the world could not make him think or believe otherwise.

  25 So it was with me. I had actually seen a light, and in the midst of that light I saw two ^aPersonages, and they did in reality speak to me; and though I was ^bhated and ^cpersecuted for saying that I had seen a vision, yet it was true; and while they were persecuting me, reviling me, and speaking all manner of evil against me^dfalsely for so saying, I was led to say in my heart: Why persecute me for telling the truth? I have actually seen a vision; and who am I that I can withstand God, or why does the world think to make me deny what I have actually seen? For I had seen a vision; I knew it, and I knew that God knew it, and I could not ^edeny it, neither dared I do it; at least I knew that by so doing I would offend God, and come under condemnation."

I feel like Joseph and Paul at this time, I have received a witness from my Heavenly Father that we have a correct diagnosis, and that we are on the right track, for "why does the world think to make my deny what I have actually [felt]?... I knew it, and I knew that God knew it, and I could not deny it"  I know that God is leading us in this fight for Jake.  I will not deny or question the answer to our prayers.  I have to testify with boldness that God answers prayers and leads those who have faith in Jesus Christ and obey his word.  I am doing all in my power to be worthy daily to receive the answers to my prayers.  We are doing what the Lord wants us to do at this time, and it's not easy.  Believe me, I would have LOVED for Jake to be "fine" and NOT have this diagnosis, but I know it's right and I can't deny it.  Every situation we encounter just supports the diagnosis.  

So, back to the lesson of discretion.  I have learned now that my frankness and ease of sharing our struggle has its consequences.  Those who don't want to understand, won't.  Those who don't trust us won't support us.  I just have to develop a tough skin, and keep strong my testimony of personal revelation.  I have to learn discretion in regards to who I share our struggle with, and what I should share with everyone.