Boundaries

This is a tough lesson to learn for most people, but incredibly important.  Setting boundaries for our troubled kids is essential.  They have to feel safe with very strict boundaries because traumatized kids will test them to the breaking point all the time, every time.  Most kids give up sooner and a parent doesn't have to remain so consistent for their children to get the point.

My other three kids get rules and consequences, they trust easier and are willing to give up control to me as their mom because they love me and can feel my love in return.  It helps them feel safe.  My RADish doesn't trust, therefore he is always testing and trying to find the loop holes in my parenting.  He tries it with every rule and boundary I set.  And he does it at a frantic, and constant rate.  The boundaries are fought against, yet deep down appreciated and needed.  J feels safer when he isn't allowed to get away with things.  He is able to develop trust when he learns (very slowly, and many many times over) that we are unmovable.  He finds security and trust when we are consistent.
Man, it's so hard to do!!  Most of the time I just want to give in and let him manipulate, not do a chore completely, or let a little disrespect slide.  But each time I do, I chip away a piece of the tiny and fragile fragment of trust he has developed.  It's so hard, but so necessary.
I have also realized the value of setting boundaries with others around me.  I can't let people take advantage of me, make me feel bad or guilty, or distract me with problems.  I have to save my best for my family.  I have to clear my life of disruption that is hurtful to me.  I have to fill my life with things that uplift and encourage me to go on.  I have to spend my time in ways that build me up, not tear me down.  It's hard because not everyone likes being given limits or boundaries.  But those around me who react well to my boundaries are those who are healthy people to be around.  These are people who will respect me and be a support for me in the ways I need it.  I am so grateful for the people in my life who get it.  They get it when I have to say "no."  They are those who know that I will give them an honest answer to a request for help, and will give me one in return.
With all that said, I have found that serving wherever possible, (I mean, honestly possible not possible as I gripe and whine about how I don't have time for this and how it's just to hard for me) has given me joy beyond compare.  I love being able to help and serve wherever God needs me to and whenever my family situation allows for it.  The feeling of being able to lift another's burden free of regret or disgruntled feelings is a joy that heals my soul and lifts my spirit.  I feel rejuvenated, energized, and truly happy.  These are all essential things in my life.  Thanks be to God and his generosity to me.  My blessings are enormous!  I am so blessed to have His guidance in my life to help me along.  I hope all who read this will be able to set boundaries for their kids, those around you, and for yourself.  I hope that you can give your very best to your family and to the Lord.  This is were true happiness is!