Miracles and Crashes

In the past few weeks my son has been riding a roller-coaster.  He has been really good and also really afraid.  I want to write about the miracles that have happened in March.   A few weeks ago J got upset about something and didn't want to do his jumping jacks (which help his brain "reset") so I sent him to his room to calm down.  He went nuts, screaming through the door at me about how horrible I was, and how I should let him out.
If he yells at me through the door now a days I know he is most likely going to lose it for weeks or possibly months.  I was so sad when he was yelling.  I was afraid of how he was going to behave, how I was going to have to stay home and be isolated, and how I was going to have to endure abuse and possible vandalism of my home.  Just as I finished that thought Jake stopped.  Then five minutes later I had to get him to go pick up carpool, and as I opened the door I saw a genuinely happy and light child.
Then later that week Jake lost it so badly I had to restrain him.  I haven't had to do that in months.  I felt that he needed to control himself, so I had him lay on the floor, get to a point where he could lay still and be quiet.  He was suddenly still and quiet.  He came out completely fine!  In less than 3 minutes he had shifted from total fear brain, to completely fine and happy!  MIRACLE.  This is the behavior that most healthy people can do naturally, get mad and let it go.  Jake has never been able to totally shift quickly, ever.  All my hard work has been paying off.  These are the moments that help me endure all the crud that J throws at me.
But soon after the miracles, he crashed again.  He takes anything and uses it to freak out.  His guilt over doing things that are wrong takes him into a freaky state of mania.  He can't settle down because he is afraid of getting caught.  So we are better than we were before, but back to the underlying mania that is J's fear brain.
The progress is certainly there, he is learning to control himself and trust.  He is learning to obey rules and confess when he disobeys.  He does know how to have compassion for others.   He just need to let go of his fears, trust in us and his Savior.  He needs faith in God and his power to forgive and to make weak things strong.  How is it that a little 8 year old gets to concentrate on gospel essentials so intensely. He gets to learn how to pray for comfort, repent and make better his mistakes, and learn about the value of the Atonement in his life.  It's amazing the way J is learning how the Atonement of Jesus Christ can change his very being to be more like Christ.  I am learning all of this right along with J and it's changing my life too.  I have been changed because of my pleading with the Lord to grant me the power of Christ to make me a better mom.  With the help of the Spirit of God I can be better, more patient, more forgiving, more loving, and more like Christ.