Jake's 8th Birthday

It's funny that I didn't even get to write about Jake's birthday within all the commotion of all his behavior.  We didn't get to celebrate his birthday on Monday.  As part of his strenuous discipline I had to forgo the birthday celebrations because of the new hole in my wall.  His birthday money went to pay for the damage repair. I have looked forward to this time in Jake's life for his whole life, a day of choices and accomplishments and a time for eternal covenants.

Up and Down, Down and Up

I have to say that this is a wild ride!  Two days ago was crazy insanity and broken houses.  Monday's attitude came as a big surprise.  Jake decided to be somewhat compliant.  WOW!  I had no idea

New Hole, Same Story

Yesterday started out fine.  Jake was pretty happy and didn't lose it too much.  He was trying so hard to be in control and pushing every limit.  He was his usual self as in he was very interested in having everyone's attention by showing them his incredible conversation skills.  He seemed fine with most of the limits I set for him, I guess by the end of the day it just proved to be too much for him to handle.

Worse behavior=Progress, so they say...

This week has been a huge challenge.  Jake has been very resistant to any instruction or compliance.  He ran away last night, (not far) but refused to be obedient in any way.  It's so very heart breaking when we got so close this weekend.

Near Misses and Window Wells

This weekend was interesting. Todd and I almost had breakthroughs with Jake on Sunday. Todd was able to talk with Jake about prayer and Jake's relationship with God. He also tried to help Jake understand that what he can work on is letting Todd and I into his heart, like a door. So after Jake had all the right answers with very little emotion, Todd realized that Jake wasn't ready.

Jake's symptoms

Here are some of the symptoms of RAD:

I will mark the ones that Jake displays most of the time and the ones that he doesn't. To be diagnosed with RAD a child only has to display half of the symptoms and have only one cause.

New School

So, Jake has started going to a therapeutic school for RAD kids called New Hope Academy in AF. I have struggled with the decision to pull him out of regular school because he is so difficult to be with all day long. He is constantly negotiating and arguing. He never does anything right the first time, even if it is something we have done before or if I had just explained it. The difference between him and other "normal" kids is that he is doing it to control me. This kid can remember things he wants to remember with incredible detail, so he is capable, but unwilling and defiant.

So I take him to this school and he is not allowed to get away with ANYTHING.

First Support Group Meeting

This was a much anticipated night for me. Friday night was so exciting to me to be with parents who understood. No one knows how bad the behavior of a RAD kid can get. He/she will save the worst stuff for their moms in the safety of their homes. I got to the home of the Beans and there were many parents there. One particular couple has two kids out of six biological children with RAD. It was such a relief for both them and me to be able to talk to each other as our situation was different than the other adoptive parents.

Other's Reactions

This has been the most interesting experience. To preface this post I have to say that there is not doubt that Jake has Reactive Attachment Disorder. I have consulted with 3 different therapist, and have now talked with other RAD kids' parents. Also it has been confirmed to me by Heavenly Father through much prayer and revelation that this is the right diagnosis.

I get all sorts of people trying to tell me that it can't be this, or that he is just that, or that they know my kid and how he behaves.

Harder to Deal with after a field trip

So Jake comes home after a day long field trip at school. For Jake this means that he is so hyped up, that he has been home for 30 minutes and already I have had to do go through the discipline rounds 4 times. This is why I contemplate keeping him home with me for half day. When he is with me I can be in control of his environment and keep him in check before he gets out of hand. He is so much more happier than before! He pushes it, but we are so much better off. Conference was a great reminder of how we should be doing things better and with the spirit of revelation. This way we can know how an all knowing God would handle this situation. I am so grateful for people who have been my angels on earth, and have helped me in this tough time. It's amazing how a note of concern can lift my spirit! Thanks to all who show their love!

General Conference... Is there any question the Lord knows us?

I love General Conference for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. This semi-annual broadcast is where we get to hear the word of the prophets of God concerning our day. There had never been a better time for us to have revelation given to us by modern day prophets!

I have been stretching my brain trying to know what is best for Jake. I have struggled and struggled with feelings of doubt and inadequacy. If there is anything I have learned through the past few years of trials is that I have to be willing to give my will to the Lord for him to be able to trust me with his guidance. I know I'm getting all preachy, but this is what it is all about. I get to learn through all my struggles and burdens how to let God into my life. I get to learn how to apply the Atonement of Jesus Christ to enable me to do miraculous things! Our family is blessed with this trial, (yes, I said 'blessed') to help us become a more faithful family. We have to opportunity to learn and grow stronger as we rely on the one true God for guidance and inspiration. I am so blessed to know the true gospel of Jesus Christ and have personal revelation regarding my life and the life of my children. What a comfort knowing that if I do my very best to do what is right, that the angels will not be restrained from being my constant companions!

Many of the apostles have spoken today about learning and growing through revelation given by the Holy Ghost. The Spirit can testify of truth, comfort the soul, and lighten our burdens. I have experienced all of these. I needed to hear this council given to remind me that through all of this, I can receive strength and ability to make it! Jake can be healed! I know that God knows me and my needs. I can't deny that the instructions given by his apostles are from God. I just can't.

Friends and family training

So we had our family and friends meeting with our therapist last night.  It went alright except when the therapist explained the causes of RAD it came off that Jake just didn't have his needs met and was lacking in care and love in his first three years.  I was a little disappointed that he was so general instead of being specific about our case.  In our therapy sessions he has let us know that there are studies suggesting that illness and stress in a pregnant woman can effect the unborn child.  My illnesses when I was pregnant with Jake could have caused him to have RAD when he was born.   This is a more likely cause as all other causes are absent with Jake.

It was also very uncomfortable when others started to suggest that we needed to just be better parents and then he could have boundaries and feel our love better.  I had to clarify that we have been doing all that we could for many years, and that it has been enormously successful with our other children, but not Jake because he is fundamentally different then other children.  

It was quite embarrassing at times when others could not accept that this was a reality.  I know it's probably very hard for Jake's loved ones to accept this.  I was resistant to accept is for a year.  It's hard because I started to judge myself and try to see where did I go wrong?  What didn't I do for him?  The guilt has, at times, been too much for me.

I guess I should be able to expect that it would be hard for others to understand because Jake has been very different for them, as opposed to the behavior he shows us each day.

But as a whole the support has been tremendous!  Our friends and family have really stepped up and let us know that we have their full support.  I knew that I would have to deal with some uncertainty and some judgement when we got Jake's diagnosis because of the complexity of his disorder.  

I have to make it VERY clear that we have received confirmation from our Heavenly Father through a priesthood blessing that this is the right diagnosis, that we are on the right track, but that we have to seek revelation to know what is best as the research on this disorder is incomplete.  It was very clear instruction, and we are doing our very best to know what the Lord would have us do for Jake.  It's such a comfort to know that we can put our trust in a loving, and all knowing God to know what is best.  How thankful I am for prayer and faith, they are real power from God to us here on earth!