It was also very uncomfortable when others started to suggest that we needed to just be better parents and then he could have boundaries and feel our love better. I had to clarify that we have been doing all that we could for many years, and that it has been enormously successful with our other children, but not Jake because he is fundamentally different then other children.
It was quite embarrassing at times when others could not accept that this was a reality. I know it's probably very hard for Jake's loved ones to accept this. I was resistant to accept is for a year. It's hard because I started to judge myself and try to see where did I go wrong? What didn't I do for him? The guilt has, at times, been too much for me.
I guess I should be able to expect that it would be hard for others to understand because Jake has been very different for them, as opposed to the behavior he shows us each day.
But as a whole the support has been tremendous! Our friends and family have really stepped up and let us know that we have their full support. I knew that I would have to deal with some uncertainty and some judgement when we got Jake's diagnosis because of the complexity of his disorder.
I have to make it VERY clear that we have received confirmation from our Heavenly Father through a priesthood blessing that this is the right diagnosis, that we are on the right track, but that we have to seek revelation to know what is best as the research on this disorder is incomplete. It was very clear instruction, and we are doing our very best to know what the Lord would have us do for Jake. It's such a comfort to know that we can put our trust in a loving, and all knowing God to know what is best. How thankful I am for prayer and faith, they are real power from God to us here on earth!
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ReplyDeleteI am new to posting, so I didn't know how to simply edit my first attempt:
ReplyDeleteHi Nicole,
I was so sorry that we had to leave early for our meeting before getting into more specific ways we could help Jake. But it sounds like the session may have stayed general, although, I will get caught up from someone able to stay the whole time. I totally sympathize with all of your feelings and am sad that you felt some things were embarassing to you, although, for the record, nothing was said that makes me feel less of you or Todd. The fact is, you guys are awesome parents, and have done nothing different than all the rest of us parents. This is just a trial that Jake and your family was given. It is not a result of you being less capable parents or anything such. He could have just as easily been born with any other myriad of physical problems. I admire all that you are doing to help Jake and create a support system for your family. Let me know if I can watch your kids sometime or help out somehow. I am sorry for all the things that have been frustrating for you and Todd throughout all of this.
Love,
Janelle
Nicole,
ReplyDeleteYou should not be embarrassed by anything he said. (Easier said than done, I know) I thought that he made it very clear that you're not abusive or neglectful, and that there were many problems throughout your pregnancy that affected Jake. What you have to remember is that if Heavenly Father has told you that what you're doing is right, it does not matter what anyone else thinks, says, or feels. Again, I know it's easier said than done, but always remember that you and Todd receive revelation for your family and no one else. You love your kids more than anyone else possibly could, and want the best for them. Have confidence in that. Have confidence in the Spirit you feel, and have confidence in yourself.
You can do hard things. :)