First Support Group Meeting

This was a much anticipated night for me. Friday night was so exciting to me to be with parents who understood. No one knows how bad the behavior of a RAD kid can get. He/she will save the worst stuff for their moms in the safety of their homes. I got to the home of the Beans and there were many parents there. One particular couple has two kids out of six biological children with RAD. It was such a relief for both them and me to be able to talk to each other as our situation was different than the other adoptive parents.

We all talked about how our kids would get so volatile when they didn't get their way. The constant manipulation and control has always been an issue. Their ways of not respecting and avoiding eye contact is a sign of RAD. One mother was so heartbroken that her child would hurt his best friend everyday without any genuine remorse. One mother was concerned that her child didn't blink an eye when talking about death or loss. Another's little 3 year old would threaten to kill her mom if she didn't get her way.

All of this should seem shocking to parents of balanced children. I was not surprised that this was going on with them, even though Jake doesn't exhibit all of those things. I have experienced the lack of eye contact, the lack of true remorse, blaming, lying, control, hoarding, being overly friendly to strangers or acquaintances, running away, no cause and effect thinking, and no long term learning of consequences. I have always felt as if I had to be smarter than my kid. He is brilliant! He has had to be to be able to control the world around him to survive. He doesn't fundamentally trust me to take care of him so he thinks he has to be in charge.

Any-who, it was SO nice to talk to others and see what they have gone through and see the progress made, the resources available and have true empathy shown to me and for our situation.

These are the people who really get it all. They don't try to challenge the diagnosis, they have had others do it to them. They don't get shocked and appalled at my child's actions, they have seen worse. They understand the struggles ahead and know what to do about it. They don't just say, "Good Luck with that!" they offer the real help needed, like child care and respite. I am so blessed that God has led me to them and that we can forge a bond that will be strengthening for all of us!